Are We Wrong About Goals?…

From Zig Ziglar to Tony Robbins… From Napoleon Hill to Og Mandino… The Self-Help ‘Gurus’ of our time have all told us to set goals. They’ve even followed this ‘sage’ advice with a command to “Think about your goals ‘all day long’…“…

This makes total sense, right? I mean we know that the mind is like a sponge and it attracts what we think about, doesn’t it?

Whatever the mind can conceive and believe… it can achieve.

Napoleon Hill

Naturally, the thinking behind this concept seems undeniably true. Or… is it?

Think about all the goals you’ve set in your adult life. Have you reached them? If the answer is yes… how satisfying were they once reached? Or, with no hesitation, were you off to the next goal… and the next…

Goals, Yes… but at what cost?

Most likely, you fall into one of two categories relative to goals.

Category 1 – You reach most of your goals. And you take them seriously. In fact, your goals are your life. And they should be, right? I mean, how can you expect to reach your goals if every ounce of your being isn’t fully soaked in thinking of your goals ‘all day long’.

Category 2 – You reach some of your goals, but most of the time, you fail. You wonder why you’re failing to reach your goals… After all, you’re putting the same action into your goals as the pompous pros in category one!

What gives?

First, let me say – most people fall into category 2. So if this is you, you’re not alone. Next, more importantly, let me point out – odds are you don’t want to be in illusory category one.

Why not? Categorically speaking, the type of person in category one… is a no-holds-barred ruthless bulldog who would do anything to reach their goals. And that’s exactly what they’ve done most of their adult life.

These people (again, categorically speaking) have put their ‘goals’ at the forefront of life itself. And they truly believe they’ve done the ‘right thing’ – while telling themselves, “It’s not for me. It’s for my wife… my kids… my whoever”.

So they continue along even if it cost them their health. Even is they’ve put the people who love them on the sidelines. Even if they’re constantly under pressure and stressed to the core.

They’ve identified entirely with ‘success’. And if ‘success’ ever leaves them – they’ll lose themselves. It’s who they are ahead of everything else.

Are goals robbing you of life?

Now I know these are harsh statements. And I also know this does NOT describe everyone who has become ‘successful’ in the world’s eyes.

But for some, ‘success’ is like a drug that penetrates their ego like the needle of a hardcore drug addict.

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And if you are in category 2?? You’re not exempt. Most likely, your ‘addiction’ parallels that of those in category one. You still crave goals. You still need the next ‘goal’ to be ‘happy’.

Either way, in either category, we chase the illusion of ‘happiness’ through the goals we set. And the ‘Happiness’ we so crave is only ‘skin-deep’. Surface-level happiness, that depends on events turning out the way we think they should in the outer world.

We feel that if we have power over what happens in our surface-level life… if we can control the events that take place… if we can ‘make it happen”… then we are safe.

And, whether consciously or subconsciously, we do this through goals.

So, year after year we keep chasing the end of the rainbow. But we never reach that pot of gold. We still fail to reach the ultimate goal of ‘happiness’. Even if we reach the goals we set, the road to get there was paved with stress, declining health, and much suffering on the part of the ones we love.

Are we truly ‘In The Moment’?

In short, we’re at the mercy of psychological time. Read some of my previous posts and you will understand that most are constantly in the past or the future – rarely in the now. And life IS now.

Since goals are our ideal versions of the future… and we are constantly thinking of our goals… life itself (the present)… lacks the attention it needs resulting in life being ‘hard’. And the ‘attention’ needed can come in many forms.

Right away, I think of my kids. There are times I am not fully with them. I mean, I am there spending time with them… but my mind can be elsewhere – on some future goal. And they can feel it.

Or maybe you’re with a client or customer… you’re thinking about some end result… like making the sale. Or what to say next. Again, most are rarely truly in the now. Most are never present… never in-the-moment.

And if the essence of life is the now – and we’re mentally in the past or future… we are dismissing life itself.

Are goals wrong? To the nth degree – absolutely not… IF they’re not primary to life.

And do goals always produce stress and suffering? Again, no. If they are handled as secondary to the present moment.

One way to be in the moment with your goals is NOT to think of every action as a “means to an end”. While speaking with a client… don’t think about what you will say next… don’t think about how this sale will put you closer to your goal. Just BE.

Be with them. Hear them. Let the moment be as it is.

You can also do this with menial tasks related to your goals. Be ‘in the moment’ with no thought of tomorrow when making that call, in that meeting, while ‘closing the deal’.

But don’t stop. Bring this same approach when you go home. Be ‘in the moment’ with your kids. With your spouse. Even when you are by yourself… take the time to breathe and just be.

And if you truly cease making every action a ‘means to an end’ (which always involves some change in the ‘future’ or correcting some mistake in the ‘past’)… it’s quite possible life will cozy-up to you.

Things will blossom, the way life meant them to. And your ‘goal’ may seem to come into being much easier because the ‘goal’ is no longer primary – life is.