Ride the ‘Tide’ of Inner Power?
Throughout our lives, we’ve been conditioned to seek a conceptual feeling of safety. A security blanket of sorts that communicates a sense of ‘all is well’ in our lives. And when this feeling is in place to a self-satisfying degree, it evens-up an illusory feeling of power.
If this feeling of safety/power is thwarted in any way… certain mental mechanisms ‘step-up’ to gain back that conceptual safe-feeling.
Let me explain.
First, most humans unconsciously seek power in social events, business & personal relationships, and even over life itself.
This ‘power’ we unconsciously seek is often a veil for something missing and usually indicates some form of inner weakness.
Power-Over vs. Power-Under
Are we to blame? Well, consider the fact that the seeking of this surface-level, abstract power has been conditioned into our psyche since we were brought into this world.
But the ‘seeking’ comes in two forms: Power over & Power under.
To simply explain this, let me use the example of a crying baby. Scientific studies have concluded that as a baby cries, she is reaching out to the world.
If the world (mom, dad, babysitter) responds positively… the child develops an inner sense of safety. It knows the world is there to take care of them.
Conversely, let’s say another baby has grown to the age of 10 years old. Now this child still ‘reaches out to the world’ like the baby above, but she does it in other ways.
When she reaches out to get the attention she craves from mom and dad, for example, mom and dad are now blended with their mobile phones, tying down loose-ends related to work, or binging on the latest reality TV series.
When she pricks a little more, they snap at her with the usual, “Can’t you see I’m busy!”…
Unlike the baby, this child grows up with a much different view of the ‘world’. A view of what’s been called Power Over or Power Under by Dr. Becky Bailey.
Every conflict presents you with a choice. You can choose to view conflict as an opportunity to teach or as an opportunity to blame and punish.
-Becky A. Baily, Easy to love. Difficult to discipline: The seven basic skills for turning conflict
As a “Power Over” person, we adults tend to feel we have to have power over people, events, or situations in order to feel safe.
At times, unconsciously, the power-over person has to mentally ‘win’ conversations. They have to feel superior in certain ways to people while in conversation, working, hiring a new employee, even meeting a new friend or continuing an old friendship.
Often, when things go wrong in their ‘world’, they will blame other people or circumstances. Again, it’s their way of being ‘right’.
They use words like, “Look what YOU made me do…” or “I wouldn’t have reacted that way if YOU didn’t….” These words are used out loud or hidden in their subconscious thoughts.
Their very essence says they have to control their world (people, situations, outcomes) in order to be happy and feel ‘safe’.
Does the person always evolve into the power-over figure? You won’t be surprised to find that the Power-Under individual is also a natural outcome.
The power-under individual still craves safety and control. But they go about getting it in their own shifty way.
Instead of powering over people, they take the submissive route. Instead of exhibiting control over others, they feel that they need to make people happy in order to get what they want. But in a very unhealthy way.
They have an inlying belief that goes like this. “If I can be what others think I should be… If can stay perfect to others… then I can have my safe world”.
If people aren’t ‘happy’, they’re not in control of their world. They’re not safe.
Yes, they may appear to be selfless at times, but it’s for their longing to feel safe and in control much like the power-over person. Some may call this ‘people-pleasing’ or a ‘yes’ person, but nonetheless, their world is not secure unless they become what others want them to be.
If something goes wrong in their world, they use words like, “This always happens to me”, “I can’t help it that I just want to help people…”, “I guess no-one appreciates my help…”
These power-under type personalities tend to seem a bit amiable. They even shy away from confrontation. But when the time comes to ‘let loose’, you don’t want to be there.
Which one are you?
Either way, whether power-over or power-under, these personalities feel they have to somehow control their environment, situational events, and relationships in their own little way.
Take a moment and think about the people around you.
Can you already know which type of personality certain friends have? Can you pinpoint whether power-over or power-under is the type of power struggle your relatives have?
Now think about yourself. Most likely, you are one or the other.
What both types are missing is Inner-Power. Or rather, they haven’t found a way to tap into inner-power although it’s always been there.
Inner-power cannot be ‘attained’. It can’t be ‘lost’. It cannot be ‘earned’. It can’t be ‘developed’. It is there. It’s who you are at your core level of existence.
Flow WITH life
Think about the ocean. Imagine you hit the beach. It’s a beautiful day, but quite windy. You dive in and begin to swim against the small moderately overlapping waves.
It’s tough and as you swim… while looking at the shoreline to your right, it seems you are not moving anywhere. Your arms get tired. Now your whole body is beginning to lose energy.
Now imagine you finally start to approach calmer water. This section of your ocean is slightly passed the initial struggle against the wind and small lapping waves. It’s quiet.
Thought stops and you’re aware of nature in its vast splendor… The calm pitter-patter of gentle water touching your sides. Then something happens.
A more mature wave is forming in the distance. Somehow you are not afraid… you’re comforted.
As it gets closer, you realize you are being lifted up on its shoulders like a loving parent. Time is no longer in your thoughts as you are being ‘carried’ by this loving yet power-driving wave.
You can’t stop it, but you don’t want to. You just ‘let go’ as the wave gains momentum until it gently lays you in a bed of tranquil water… you bask in what turns into a peaceful tide… you breathe.
Do you get it yet?
When you find your inner power, it’s like riding atop the wave of life. And when the wave rests… you’re gently placed where you’re meant to be… a tide that moves with you… effortlessly… naturally… you and the tide are one.
How do you find this inner power? A worthier question is how do you uncover what’s already there?
I can’t quite ‘explain’ the how-to’s of finding inner-power, but I can point you in a direction. If some area of your life seems to always suffer. If even when you reach a certain goal or win what you’ve desired… and still, some area seems to fill the space of suffering again…
If ultimately you can’t seem to find lasting joy…
Consider what you’ve been doing your whole life. Have you been chasing a dead-end ‘dream’? Is your entire life consumed with incessant thinking about the mistakes you’ve made in the past or the ‘ideal’ life you want in the future?
Think about what you’ve been taught. Have ‘they’ trained you to think about your goals. Have ‘they’ instructed you to visualize, manifest, keep at the forefront of your mind what you want?
Without going into scientific theory about how the brain works… Consider this.
If it hasn’t worked out the way you’ve liked it to… could those well-meaning instructors have fed you the exact formula to take your attention off LIFE ITSELF… which is NOW?
Maybe, just maybe… ‘they’ have been wrong all along.
Yes, those methods work… short-term. But for true joy that never leaves… for a life that unfolds with less effort… consider that maybe, just maybe… those past methods are holding you back.
The brainwashing of YOU being in control… of YOU having to power-over or power-under life in order to get what you want… could it all be a lie?
Ditch the lie. Put your attention on the present moment. And as your natural state becomes more present in your life… things will start to come together as they should. You will break ties with the struggle many have just grown to accept.
When you find what’s here now… you find that instead of YOU embracing life… LIFE Embraces You.
